


The Role of the Monster

by Liara_90



Category: Nimona (Webcomic)
Genre: Character Study, Gen, Magic, One Shot, POV First Person, POV Third Person, Post-Canon, Reflection, Shapeshifting, Unreliable Narrator, Writing Exercise
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-08
Updated: 2018-03-08
Packaged: 2019-03-28 10:37:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,270
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13902276
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Liara_90/pseuds/Liara_90
Summary: Set after the defeat of the Institution, Sir Ambrosius Goldenloin meets with a psychologist to be cleared to return to duty.A little red bird just happens to be passing by.





	The Role of the Monster

* * *

_The way I see it, this whole story is about who gets to make us. Okay, so that sounds kinda weird, I know, but I've had a lot of "alone" time to think about it. It's cool. Things are quiet now, y'know? Not a lot of monsters running around these days..._

_..._ flying _around, I guess, is a different story. I'm a little red cardinal, perched on a branch, looking through an open window. Goldenloin's inside, along with some head-doc. I know - I'm sticking my beak where I shouldn't. But I already dropped-by Blackheart, and that wasn't too painful. I just need... one more thing. And maybe it's here._

_The head-doc stands up and stretches, muttering something about coffee. I swoop onto the ledge. People always say 'a little bird told me' when they're trying to be clever... I guess I'm just cutting out the middleman..._

Sir Ambrosius Goldenloin adjusted himself in the chair, the weight of his ass causing the leather cushions to _squeak_ slightly. He tried to remain very still. The whole room was intimidating, the walls covered with bookshelves that seemed to tower to the very heavens. It was hard to be entirely comfortable, no matter how much the doctor tried to put him at ease. Ambrosius was, after all, being _evaluated_. Under the new regs, anyone getting certified (or in his case, _re_ -certified) as a knight needed to undergo a psych eval. Everyone had told him that it was a formality, a _'check the box and get out of there'_ kinda deal, just to make sure you weren't an axe-swinging psychopath.

Still, he was nervous.

The therapist walked back into the room, strolling to his seat opposite Ambrosius. He a squat man, balding slightly, with wispy white hair and a burgeoning belly. Ambrosius rose from his chair as the man returned, his leg wobbling only slightly under his weight. His physical therapy had come a long way since his last run-in with Nimona. Or whatever demonic fragment of her he'd fought.

"Please, young man, sit down," the doc instructed, and Ambrosius complied. He resumed his nervous posture - back straight, hands clasped in front of him, sweat accumulating on his brow. He swallowed loudly.

"Now, I would like to ask you a few questions." Ambrosius nodded, but said nothing. This _was_ why he was here, wasn't it? "To begin with: how do you feel about... _Ballister Blackheart_?"

Ambrosius inhaled sharply through his nose. "Why does that matter?" he asked. The sweat was definitely _trickling_ now.

The doctor shrugged. "If you are cleared for duty, you will be working alongside him. I imagine that could be difficult, given your... _history_."

Ambrosius shook his head. "Oh, I mean, _sure_ , we _fought_ each other for years. But that was just a 9 - to - 5. Me the champion, him the villain." He smiled a little. "We don't hold our old gigs against each other."

The doc made a nasally _hmmmmm_ noise. "I was not so much referring to your, ah, _professional_ conflicts. I am interested in somewhat older issues." He leaned forward, lowering his breath. " _The jousting accident_ , if you would."

Ambrosius exhaled. "It wasn't an accident."

The solemnity of those words surprised both men, as did the conviction underlying them.

"It wasn't an accident," Ambrosius repeated, clearing his throat, "when I blew off Balli's arm. It wasn't something I _planned_ to do... or even... or even something I consciously _wanted_..." he rubbed his face "...but it wasn't an _accident_."

"I see," replied the doctor, reclining in his chair. "I must ask, then: will you able to work together?"

Ambrosius slouched forward, staring at his boots. "I wouldn't be... but _he_ is."

"He forgave you for, _hm_ , ruining him? For making him an outcast? For betraying your friendship?" The doctor was quite unable to conceal his curiosity.

The knight-errant nodded. "For years, that was how we defined our relationship. Not as 'villain' and 'hero', but as 'betrayed' and 'betrayer'. Neither of us really got over it. It made things... _complicated_..."

The doc scribbled something on his notepad. "So what changed?"

"The Institution, of course," Ambrosius replied, a little flippantly. "I think we both - I think _I_ \- finally realized that our feud was just what the Director wanted. Not just a 'good guy' and a 'bad guy', but two people who really _hated_ each other. And I finally realized that it was stupid to keep playing that role."

"' _All the world's a stage_ ', as they say," the doc mused. "It is good for you to find a different part. For Blackheart too, of course."

"Yeah... well..." Ambrosius trailed off, toeing the carpet with his boot. “He was never that good a match for his role.”

_And something about hearing those words hit me. Okay, that sounds dumb, like it was some lightning bolt dramatic revelation. My jaw didn't drop, or anything. But something about what he said just sounded..._ right.

_Ambrosius had continued speaking without my realizing_. "...we let it define us. Almost to the very end. But we... but we _stopped_ , at least, when it counted. It was," he let out a weak laugh, "in the _dungeon_ , I think, of all places. When we finally stopped being their fucking _players_ and started being... _us_." He paused, reddening slightly. "Oh, um, sorry about the swear."

The doctor chuckled. "Do not worry, boy, I hear far worse in here."

_Of course, it wasn't just Ambrosius and Ballister who were playing the Institution's roles, was it? When they wanted a monster, I was all-too-happy to oblige. Eating people, breathing fire, the whole shebang._

"Does that answer your question, then?" Ambrosius asked. His voice sounded a little raw.

_And, if I'm being honest, it wasn't just the Institution._ Everyone _was happy to make Nimona a monster. Guards, villagers, bandits. Parents. And after a while... I kinda let them._

"Yes, Goldenloin, it does," the doctor said sagely. Then he glanced at his watch. "Well, I believe we can cut this short."

Ambrosius blinked. "Oh. But I thought... I thought we were still going to do the Rorschach test?"

"The what?"

"The inkblots?" Ambrosius clarified, pointing to a stack of cards on a nearby table. "Before the break, you said you needed to assess my perception?"

"Ah... yes..." the doctor muttered. He reached over and scooped up a stack of cards, flashing one at random to Ambrosius. "So, um, what do you see?"

The knight squinted. "Uhh, I guess... two lovers?"

The doctor flipped the card in his fingers, frowning at the ink. " _Lovers_ , you said?" Ambrosius nodded, uncertainty. " _Wrong_. It is obviously a shark." The doctor tossed the card away. "Test is defective. I will get another."

Without so much as a word of explanation, the therapist walked out of his office, leaving a baffled knight in his wake. He rounded a corner, past a steaming cup of coffee he'd apparently forgotten to collect.

_And then I'm a bird again. A harmless red cardinal, flitting out an open window._

_I’m flying over the town. I could become a dragon, I suppose. Cause a bit of mayhem on my way out. You can't say these people don't have it coming, putting up with those monsters at the Institution for so long. People like my parents. I don't think I'll be coming back for a while, maybe just a bit of panic to remember me by..._

I dive from the sky, the wind plastering my feathers, transforming at the last possible moment. Into a dolphin. The better to swim down-river, to the sea. Excite a few kids along the way.

_..but that would be_ soooooooo _predictable, wouldn't it?_

**Author's Note:**

> So this was written not so much to expand on the wonderful work of Stevenson, for I have nothing to add, but more to organize my own meditations on _Nimona_. I’m definitely projecting my own worldview regarding ‘the roles we play in life’ into poor Ambrosius. I can't really imitate Stevenson's style, but hopefully this didn't feel _egregiously_ off.
> 
> Full disclosure: I read it last night in one long sitting, so my apologies if I overlooked any details or nuance. Please feel free to leave a comment on any thoughts, feedback, or constructive criticism. I’m also accessible on reddit ([/u/pvoberstein](https://www.reddit.com/user/pvoberstein/)) or [Tumblr](http://www.pvoberstein.tumblr.com/).


End file.
